aussie blokes – like loyal bitza’s

Loyal Bitza - dogs

The one thing I’ll never get over with my aussie man is that when we had our loyal bitza, a male bull mastive cross staffy, during a night of drinking my bloke would piss out in the garden somewhere. Any spot would do but usually somewhere different each time. Anyway, our lovely bitza would follow moments after and piss on the same spot. The yard after all was his territory.

What I’m trying to get at is that when you’re in a relationship with an aussie bloke you’ll no doubt have a loyal partner on your hands, slightly territorial but at the end of the day, you’re still the boss!

life as an aussie missus – part 1

I met my aussie bloke 4, almost 5 years ago now. He was a rough diamond then and he still is now. My background as a pom (a british ex pat), with a private school upbringing meant that I hadn’t yet come into contact with such a native creature.

I have to admit that straight away I was intrigued by this man who drank like a fish and was always the life of the yarn. He was the alpha bloke which drew me in more, a quiet, shy 20-something. He represented fun, friends and a little bit more 🙂

I definitely wouldn’t ask for a different life. This aussie bloke always ensures that we are never bored. There are new experiences waiting at every turn for us. However, over time I have felt that I simply needed to document something about this typical aussie bloke.

Not every aussie bloke will be exactly as I describe but I try to tease out a few common themes.

My main aim is to inject a little humor into the everyday lives of aussie blokes and sheila’s and try to connect on a personal level.

Parties, hangovers, fights, break-ups and then kids came along!

Squeezing in that ice cold beer: The art of time delay

I’d like to make all women out there who are dating an aussie bloke stop and think for a moment. Have you ever noticed strange inconsistencies with your man’s timing, e.g. he should have arrived at a location a little earlier but strangely, he hasn’t made it there yet?
Perhaps he’s only 30 mins late, possible right? After all traffic could always be bad, they had to wait extra time in that queue, or perhaps a mate wasn’t very organised (common excuse).
Light bulbs pinging left, right and centre yet?!
YEP it’s a beer stop.

Ice Cold Beer - Time Delay Reward
Ice Cold Beer – Time Delay Reward

If you have a bloke anything like mine, beer ranks very high on the scale of life’s list of priorities. It’s their time out, time for a yarn, their time to escape, or their down time. Like any young boy who has a secret clubhouse in the woods where they escape their parents, they drop off the radar, and as adults, the pub is the new clubhouse. The ultimate mans lair. Out of sight, and completely out of the mind of the missus!
Here, with the help of their cleverly implemented time delay they are slipping out of existence for 30-60 minutes just kick back and relax.
As the friggin missus, the person he spins these white lies to, I have to wonder why he needs this time out. Is it me? Am I so awful, are the kids so crazy? Well, yes and no. I’ll give him a hard time about the pub, but I still wouldn’t prevent him from going. It would be like taking a lolly from a child. He needs his down time, as much as I need mine. After all, I love wasting time equally as much, wandering (childless) around the shopping centre – coffee in hand, that’s my escape.
So why do they lie?!
Well, aussie blokes are simple yet charming creatures. While its still mostly a mystery to me, perhaps they wish to hide their love for beer, perhaps they see this as a weakness! Yes, they are very proud, aussie men, but that story is for another day.

Any thoughts? Blokes? Ladies?

the secret world of blokes

I’ve decided that for all their fronts of openess and innocence there lies beneath the laid back exterior of aussie blokes a secret world.

Despite their easy going humour and aussie charm the boys have a world that they’d rather not share with the other half of the population. Its a world where despite the efforts of some females blokes will never truly feel at ease to speak how they wish until we are all absent. Whether its the mate who won’t share the dirty joke until the friends missus is absent. Whether its the secret romp they are bursting to share. Whether its simply a more in depth conversation about engines (or something) that they’d feel more comfortable discussing alone because the girls wouldn’t understand anyway. “Wouldn’t wanna offend me mates missus.”

Aussie blokes just feel more comfortable with other blokes.

They can even come across as rude at times, unsure what to say to women, awkward and standoffish. Its almost like half of them weren’t taught social skills!

Its such a conundrum though because the skills were intact when other blokes were around.

In a group they are great. They love to party, they are kind in nature, and bottomless beer pits. Catch them alone and they’ll cave in on themselves and make up some lame excuse to dash!

Come on boys, we won’t bite! Try us, you might just enjoy a bit of girly chat.

Not a chance…

aussie blokes and their hobbies

Not every true blue aussie bloke is gonna have the same hobby but they all are definitely mad about something. It could be cars, 4WD’s, motorbikes, quadbikes, BMX, boats, speedboats, wake boarding, fishing, or… in our household its dirt bikes. Maaaadd about dirt bikes.

Image

What my bloke wishes he looked like, on a dirt bike.

And with my bloke if you don’t like something he won’t be disheartened, he’ll come home with a full bike kit for the missus to make sure she friggin likes it! Shortly after he purchased his 10 grand dirtbike (on finance), top of the range of course, and did all the unecessary and expensive services that a brand new bike requires, he kitted himself out, and me. I was left with no choice. I had hardly finished lactating, our first child only 9 months old, before I was thrown onto a 140cc pit bike for the very first time. Only a small bike luckily but a completely unfamiliar experience all the same. And despite their size they go pretty fast!

We quickly began to spend all of our Saturdays at the bike track. We had to be out the door at 6am sharp to get as much riding in as possible. Half the day was spent riding the bikes, the other half spent driving to and from the track, and of course cleaning the bloody things.

The cleaning process. If you know anything about aussie blokes, their machines are their pride and joy. They have to be meticulously cleaned, serviced and drooled over. The bikes had to be soaked, sponged, soaked again and then detailed. I probably missed a vital step there but whatever, I sat inside, looked after the kids and watched tv. The boys drank beer and did the work.

Twelve months later the bike is still my blokes pride and joy. It is still meticulously cleaned and serviced. It is locked, padlocked, chained and carefully hidden from view despite being covered by full insurance.

It gets used…. ummm… I can’t remember the last time it was used.

Amount owing on loan. Pretty much all of it.