a warm and fuzzy post

Okay, so most of my posts have usually involved a dig at my man.

Yep, most of the time I’m having a shot at him about one thing or another.  Bitching about how he behaves, what he doesn’t do, what he does do, bitch, bitch, bitch…

Well don’t worry, I assure you that these posts will continue. However, I must give him a little credit, and share with women out there that IT ISN’T ALL BAD!

And to my male readers. Don’t worry, read on, it won’t be dry, boring emotional crap.

 

So, dating an aussie bloke can be a great. They do honestly make great partners. Especially due the existence of the little thing I like to call guilt. 

 

Guilt is a wonderful thing, and a powerful aussie male motivator. Via guilt I receive numerous perks of being the friggin missus that I am.

a) it provides sleep-ins: every now and then, when I’ve had a bad night with the baby, I will be rewarded with a magical few hours to catch up on some well-deserved zzzzzs

b) gifts: I will often receive plentiful gifts in the form of wine, chocolate and mechanical foot massaging machines

c) time alone: every now then he will vanish with the kids when it appears that I am about to have a mental breakdown – this could of course be his form of escapism. Evacuate the house kids, SHE’S ABOUT TO BLOW!!

 

I get showered with hugs and kisses at 2 very specific times. And ONLY at these times.

a) when he’s had between 6 and 10 beers – its a very specific window of opportunity, “I love ya babe”

b) in bed – well… only before he falls asleep, after that, even if you had the Atlantic between you, you’d still need earplugs

Make the most of these two times ladies.

Heck, you may even get the occasional massage if he’s in the “right” mood in bed.

 

So there you have it. There is a good side to putting up with their SHIT!

 

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aussie blokes and babies

What aussie blokes become parents they seem to perfect the art of looking busy. This ensures that they have plenty of excuses and very little time to do menial baby related tasks. I generally get handed the baby when a very important call to a mate has to be made, he swears that he promised to call the guy back and forgot. Usually to my horror there is a massive turd in the babies nappy!

Or similarly they become pros at THE DISAPPEARING ACT! How my bloke does it in a small 3 bedroom home I’ll never know but he still manages to pull it off! It seems to occur most often when both kids suddenly go nuts or something. Suspiciously great timing.

One thing I do love is how he disappears to the toilet with his phone or laptop. Only place in the house where he can hide and not be disturbed, even if he is doing a shit!

It made my day, or rather night, when after a few drinks he offered to do all the night feeds that night. “After all” he said, “you work so hard with those kids.” Ahhhh, sweet right?

1am rolls around, wow… I’ve never seen anyone do a 180 so fast. Needless to say, I held him to his promise. I didn’t budge from the bed. Great nights’ sleep that was 🙂

Possibly the most annoying excuse is:

I have to get up for work in the morning. Well… last week you drank with mates until 2am and still went to work the next day. Don’t use that excuse with me mate!

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Note: Not ALL aussie men are like this, however many men internationally may be.

 

great aussie bbq

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BBQ’s in our household usually consist of a fire, a lot of grog, mates and of course the mean machine, the barbeque itself. Yes, I know, above is not a particularly mean looking bbq but it does the job.

The boys spent the afternoon chopping wood. Timber we had found strewn all over the garden, a lot of it from a 30 year old rotten chook shed that we had dismantled. Yes we purchased a reno, and no, we don’t have any money to renovate it.

The kids ran around and played until they fell asleep stuffed, way past their bedtime.

The boys made sure to have the TV set up outside so that they could still see the footy game while they sat around the fire.

The toilet shifted to the green patch at the side of the house. I suppose the boys were becoming more water conscious as the night went on. Didn’t want to flush the toilet too many times. Australia does run out of water after all.

Various games began when the kids eventually buggered off to bed. And I mean that in the nicest way possible my angels. When I say games I just mean stupid things that happened to happen. My bloke isn’t some kind of aussie party planner or anything.

These include:

– knuckle wars

– who can epilate their legs for the longest – hand-held devil machine I received for mothers day, hint???

– wheres my beer gone

– invite the neighbour’s

– who can mix the most types of alcohol and still stand up

When all of the light entertainment had ended I retired to bed. I have a baby to wake up for and a toddler who won’t care if I’m hungover in the morning. It’d be nice if you could ask your 2 year old for a paracetamol and a berocca! Oh yeah, and tell your 3 month old to make make her own bottle, mummy can’t look at another bottle! I wish.

Now you have be really careful the next day. Especially when you go to bed early and miss most of the night. There are a few things you need to remember.

1. Don’t trust any kitchen towels, its highly likely they’ve been used to wipe up something gross. Don’t bother with the sniff test, just wash. Dish rags again, could have been used anywhere. Wash.

3. You’ll never know if red stains are wine or blood. Disinfect.

4. You’ll find beer bottles for weeks, you may even find one that has exploded in the freezer.

5. Chuck out all grated cheese. Don’t trust it. Someone has usually stood there munching it straight from the packet straight after pissing in the green patch!

Morning walk around the garden to inspect the damage!!

bottles