Monsters In-Law

Yep, this post is about those frightful monsters in-law. It has been nagging at me for a while whether to write this post because I don’t want to offend anyone of my in-law variety, however after months of deliberation I have decided,  STUFF IT… WHY NOT???

After 4 fallings out, countless snide comments, sarcasm, bitchiness and he-said, she-said’s, I have finally decided that I am bowing out of my partners family, for good. So let the rant begin!! (I understand if rants aren’t your thing and you have no interest in reading on, and no, we are not married but I will call them in-laws anyway.)

Now I consider myself pretty average on the socioeconomic scale and I’m comfortable here, we both work hard running two businesses and have two young kids. We sound normal right? WRONG!

We decided to move across the country to escape the monsters in-law, (that’s 4000 km’s across Australia), and you’ll never guess what… THEY FOLLOWED US, and decided to buy up 1 km round the corner. Yep, that’s a massive 4 million kangaroo hops, or 4 hours on a plane, or 10 days in the car……   to a leisurely stroll around the corner. WTF!!!!!

Why? I wonder to this day, especially since all they did was bitch about Western Australia when they visited. Baffled? So am I.

Now I know Perth is gorgeous, and clean, and warm (or hot, however you look at it), and living standards are great, so I thought, okay I am willing to share this great city with you, just treat it nice and don’t live in my pocket. Well they have been nice to Perth and some have not lived in my pocket. However, 6 months later, the honeymoon period is clearly over. And once again, we all clearly hate each other. I won’t bore you with the details unless you want me to in another post but lets just say, perhaps its time to hop on that jet and move to the UK. I hear they don’t like the cold weather 🙂






aussie blokes babysitting

Something that I am beginning to learn. All-be-it rather slowly.. is that us girls need to get our foot in the door early because those aussie boys talk and plan their nights out fast. Mainly because it only involves two words: “Beer? Pub?”

Most of the time the blokes won’t really mind babysitting. Besides they’ll simply share a slab (carton of beer) and have their yarn regardless. Ankle biters and all!

Aussie Blokes Babysitting:

They’ll lay out some newspaper, chuck the kids the bbq scraps and get em in bed before 2am!

aussie dads babysitting

We need to put our foot down when it comes to good quality girlie time. Especially those of us who have kids. Not only are those aussie blokes mates but they are also DADS and us Sheila’s need to make sure they don’t forget it. They aren’t going to offer their babysitting skills on a silver platter, or suggest that us girls get some well deserved down time so we’ve gotta get in there and plan our piss-ups that bit quicker!

the great australian dream

When it comes to the great aussie blokes dream you can ditch your white picket fence, fancy decor, SUV or yacht for a bbq, an outdoor bar, some kind of staffy, and a decked out 4WD thats ready for the hard yakka.

When we look at potential homes to buy the first thing my bloke mentions is where he’s gonna build his bar and add-on man cave. But we’ve gotta get that bar in first and foremost.

Every time we purchase a bbq its bigger and better than the last. Takes up most of the patio at the moment.


While we drive along the highway I get told about the range in 4WD’s, which has the correct snorkel pipe, how high they need to be jacked up, and how big the fridge needs to be that takes up all the baggage space. I am assured however that baggage space is ample… on the roof.

“So…” I reply, “the fridge gets prime passage in the boot, while my undies and and other personal items fly free and are possibly blown away on the roof”

How on earth is that the best arrangement?!

“No…” he replies “your bags will be strapped down under the awning.”

Now the roof contains awning!

So… the great aussie dream for the missus? Hoping there is some cash left at the end to go shopping with.

where one bloke goes, the rest friggin follow

where one bloke goes, the rest friggin follow

There is a strong brotherhood between aussie blokes and they just seem to follow each other everywhere.

No, I don’t mean they travel in gangs. Although those do exist. Rather they just seem to have fellow blokes that just seem to stick together. One moves, the rest slowly follow.

Move cities, move states.. the ultimate beer mates don’t leave each others side for long. Loyal buddies for life.


They are constantly on the blower (the phone) convincing each other that the grass is greener. “Move over mate!”

Before you know it, the drinking crew have grown from a lonesome 1 to all the old favourites. Life is never boring with an aussie bloke, and they make bloody sure of it.

aussie blokes – like loyal bitza’s

Loyal Bitza - dogs

The one thing I’ll never get over with my aussie man is that when we had our loyal bitza, a male bull mastive cross staffy, during a night of drinking my bloke would piss out in the garden somewhere. Any spot would do but usually somewhere different each time. Anyway, our lovely bitza would follow moments after and piss on the same spot. The yard after all was his territory.

What I’m trying to get at is that when you’re in a relationship with an aussie bloke you’ll no doubt have a loyal partner on your hands, slightly territorial but at the end of the day, you’re still the boss!